I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That accounts for only three of the penises
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
