hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Shitshow foam night was such a success
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Randomize
