I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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