no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
