you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
