tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
