I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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