I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
