I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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