i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
