Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
