my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
