Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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