I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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