she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
