I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
