When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
