you guys were way drunker than both of me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i've created a new STD.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
