Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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