Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
