I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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