idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
