No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
