reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
