I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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