I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
