Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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