I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
