Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Randomize
