I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
