Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
