I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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