Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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