I can text with my tongue
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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