My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
