Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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