i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
