New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
