Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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