I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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