I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
