Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
