I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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