My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
