im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
