If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
