But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
