take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
