Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
