just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
