i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
